Redemption
by foodforthespirit
Summary: Near likes to think he can fathom Mello through deep analysis.


**Author: foodforthespirit.**

**Disclaimer: I have no exclusive rights to Death Note nor it's characters. Or any rights at all.**

**Title: Redemption.**

**Warnings: Mentions of yaoi, violence, blasphemy.**

**Pairing: Mello/Near.**

**Rating: For fear of this thing biting me in the ass later, M.**

**Synopsis: Near likes to think he can fathom Mello through deep analysis.**

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><p>Near was never a religious person; he never entertained the thought of a God sitting in heaven, interfering with the balance of things when he found fit.<p>

Besides, it was illogical to believe in something that could very well not exist in any shape or form. And Near placed logic and reasoning above all else. Mental thinking that strayed from that, into a realm of the Impossible and the What Never Happened, gave him a throbbing headache, or else made him feel confused and nervous otherwise.

He never felt affected negatively by the lack of spirituality in his life. Religion was practically never discussed at Wammy's, which was why Near found it odd that Mello went so out of his way to demonstrate his piety. Although, after some time of thought, he wondered if it had something to do with outwardly opposing everything Near thought or was. Mello was never known to be discreet, after all.

But then again, Mello was an interesting person. Near always liked him; he tended to like anyone that was worth mulling over about so much. Mello was like a paradox of sorts, like a complex poem made with instances of symbolism, metaphors, hyperboles, and oxymorons simply waiting to be untangled and understood.

It was quite obvious that Mello didn't reciprocate these feelings of distant fondness. Near recalled earlier years of bullying as children, but extending into adolescence, Mello had suddenly stopped associating with him altogether. Of course, the moments they were forced to spend close to one another was tense and the blond didn't hesitate to voice his utter displeasure aloud.

And it was during these times of hostility that Mello's rosary seemed especially striking.

As a younger boy, Near would watch the cross dangle from his neck in his vision as Mello would loom over him lying on the floor with his dominos and toy trains, which would inevitably result in his brilliant domino structure being scattered within a second. But ever with this knowledge of his construction being ruined, he'd eye the swinging cross that glimmered in the dim light, and then look up at Mello's sneering, hateful expression.

Near wondered if Mello ever took the time to repent for all he ever did. And not just against him, but even after leaving Wammy's with Matt, associating with the Mafia, kidnapping and killing.

But if Near knew Mello well - and he did - he'd say the probabilities were very low that he did.

Mello liked believing in a God because at the end of the day, Mello was an emotional person whether he admitted to it or not. And being so emotional and prone to extreme anger, Near was able to infer that the blond believed simply to comfort himself. All in all, he probably didn't enjoy thinking that he and Near and even Light Yagami were all going to the same place after dying - the earth, to decompose. And there would be no more "evil" or "good" and everything that he ever did during his lifetime would abruptly stop amounting to something.

Thinking of Mello this way made him seem a lot more human. Maybe even a tad vulnerable and psychologically susceptible.

It helped especially the first time in a long time Mello had pushed Near up against the wall roughly. However, it was different. Sure, Mello had lost his patience and was quite upset with him, but the look in his blue eyes had something amiss from his usual blind aggression.

Near remembered that day clearly, because it marked a phase of understanding he had of Mello to a whole new level.

It had also been the first time Mello kissed him.

It was sloppy and all teeth and lips and tongue, but Near could feel his frustration. The Kira case was, without a doubt, stressing Mello's mind to a point of an obsessive need to release it. His hands had been grabby and unashamed, but Near hadn't stopped him. He was eager to see another side to his colleague, an exposed part that could help him finish putting the pieces together to his mental puzzle.

_Near was almost sure it was against the Bible to be having irresponsible sex with someone one thought of as the enemy._

_He also wondered if Mello knew taking God's name in vain was indeed too blasphemy, with all the cursing he did during the first sin._

_And Near couldn't help but dwell on the irony of it all, beneath Mello's shaking body jerking forward into him, as the cross of his rosary silently swung to and fro over his face, gleaming in the light._

"_God_damnit_." Mello's voice had been husky and thick with lust. Wasn't that also a sin?_

_So, Near had almost-smiled as Mello released inside of him, the harsh tension visibly leaving his body, his hot breath spreading over the small distance between them. He had his eyes closed, the muscles in his shoulder blades twitching under Near's careful hands._

_Then his eyes opened slowly, reluctantly meeting Near's face, who was casually examining the rosary around his neck again. And Near watched, slipping his hands from Mello's shoulders without a word as pain filled the older boy's eyes for a moment._

_And this pain in his eyes went away as quickly as it came, as quickly as when he tangled his fingers in the beads of his rosary and ripped it off. _

_There was a shower of red beads, and Mello slipped from the bed and was gone before the bead shower was even over._

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><p><strong>Note: I feel weird about this oneshot, mostly because I don't do well with so little dialogue and such a large quantity of character analysis. It's stepping out of my comfort zone, but I decided I'd try. <strong>

**Near's thoughts in this don't reflect my own.**

**Thanks for reading, have a lovely day.**


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